She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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