why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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