My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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