She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
