I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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