There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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