wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
