you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
