i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
