if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Green mimosas i think yes
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
