Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
