Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
