but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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