You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
