There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
