No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
