I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
