Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
