Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize