Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
