I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
