You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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