I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
