found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
