I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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