So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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