I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
