i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
