Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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