we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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