just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
