i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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