I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
