am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
