ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
