She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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