you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
