Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
