Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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