been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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