Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
