nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
