I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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