I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
