I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
