you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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