"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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