We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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