Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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