Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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