i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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