I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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