everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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