I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
