Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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